Coffee Spoons
by pandorabox82
Summary: When Reid encounters Strauss after her breakup with Rossi, he comes to find out a new way to measure time and love - in coffee spoons.


Spencer sighed as he pushed back from his desk. It had been a long week, and he wanted nothing more than to just go home and relax with a book. The others had all gone for the day already, well, except for Hotch, and he was glad that he didn't have to face any of them. It was still awkward, they still pitied him, and he was closely getting to his breaking point.

Heading out into the hall, he heard a commotion come from the direction of Strauss's office, and he went over to investigate. "Chief Strauss, is everything okay?" he asked as he opened her office door, stepping inside.

He heard the sharp gasp before he saw her and he turned to face her. She was shaking in anger and there were tear tracks staining her cheeks. "Would you please leave me alone, Dr. Reid? I just need some time to get a hold of myself."

It was then that Spencer noticed that her desk was clear, the contents on the floor. Shaking his head, he stepped forward and rested his hand on her shoulder, hoping she would look up at him. When she didn't, he squeezed a little, and finally, her eyes met his. "You're craving."

"Yes."

"I know how that feels. Let's go get some coffee." Gently, he helped her into her raincoat and then grabbed her purse from the floor. It seemed like all the fight had gone out of her as she meekly walked next to him. "I know this great little all-night diner that serves the best coffee in town," he said as they got on the elevator.

Strauss nodded and then looked at the floor, subtly pulling away from him emotionally. He knew enough to know that was a bad sign, he had done the same thing when struggling with Emily's "death" and return, so he stepped closer to her, reaching out for her hand and clasping it. As he figured, she tried to pull her hand away, and he tightened his grip, remembering how he had wished that someone, anyone, would hold his hand when he was craving.

By the time the elevator doors opened, she had begun to really hold onto his hand, threading her fingers through his. Stepping out into the foyer of the main floor, he led her outside and turned her down the sidewalk. At one point, Erin stumbled, and he instinctively pulled her close, wrapping his arm around her waist. "He broke up with me. He said it was for my own good, that he couldn't keep me safe if no one knew about our relationship," she whispered, melting against him.

Spencer knew who she was talking about, since he had seen them leave that hotel together months ago. "He's a fool."

"I love him." Her breath hitched and she stopped them, wrapping her arms around his waist and hugging him tightly. Spencer knew that feeling, too, and he gently held her in return, rubbing her back gently. "Or, I thought I did. He just couldn't understand that I couldn't risk losing my job at this point in my life."

He nodded against her head, leading her over to a nearby bench. They sat and he let his arm come to rest around her shoulders as she rested her head on his chest. "And now, with the decision final, you want to throw away more than a year's worth of progress."

"Six months," she mumbled. "I was at a function and accepted a glass of wine without thinking. It was only a sip, but, that counts."

"Oh, Erin," he breathed out, rubbing her arm softly. She rubbed her cheek against the fabric of his shirt and let out a long breath. "Let me take you to my apartment. If I know anything about you, you do not want to be seen like this in public."

She nodded and they stood. It didn't take long to reach the subway, and he paid for her fare, guiding her to a nearly empty car. They sat heavily, and he wasn't surprised that she curled up into him once more. "Why does it hurt so much?"

"You were blindsided," he murmured, reaching up to stroke her hair. The touch seemed to calm her, and soon he felt steady breaths fan out against his neck. The twenty minute ride seemed to take forever that night, and when it finally came to his stop, he had to shake her awake. Her eyes opened slowly, and she looked at him so trustingly. "Come on, we're almost home."

Erin gave him a small smile and stood, letting him once more bundle her close, his arm slipping into place around her waist once more. The entire time up to his apartment, she was quiet, her fingers worrying a pinch of his shirt. He was concerned by her silence, but didn't push her until she was seated on his sofa. "I have nothing left."

"What do you mean?" he prodded, wanting to see how much she'd tell him.

"I was afraid of losing my job, since Alan got out of paying me alimony. The frat rules are hard and fast when you're a Section Chief. And I thought David understood my fear. Why didn't he? Why did he have to force me to make a decision?" Her shoulders began to shake as she cried, digging her fingers into his shirt as he held her close.

"I don't know, Erin." Without thinking, he pressed his lips to the crown of her head, and she sighed deeply, nuzzling her face into the crook of his neck. "Here, sit on my lap, it will be more comfortable for you." She nodded, letting him pull her close, letting him cradle her like he would Henry or Jack when they were upset.

Once more, she fell asleep quickly, and once she was fully asleep, he got to his feet and managed to get them both to his bedroom. Carefully, he laid her out on the bed, bending to remove her shoes, setting them neatly next to the bed before unbuttoning her coat and taking it off, along with her blazer.

Spencer went over to his closet and pulled out a pair of lounge pants and a t-shirt, changing quickly in the bathroom before rejoining her. Erin had managed to sprawl out in the middle of the bed and he shook his head, pulling down the covers and slipping in next to her, his arm coming to rest around her waist. From the depth of her sleep, she scooted back against him, fitting her body to his.

"Sleep peacefully, Erin," he whispered before letting his own eyes close in sleep.

When he woke up, she was facing him, her hand on his cheek. "Could we make some coffee now?" she asked lowly. He nodded and they got out of bed. She reached out for his hand and he clasped it, leading her into the kitchen. Erin sat at the table while he brewed them a pot of his best Kona. "I thought my heart would hurt less this morning."

"Grief takes many forms, Erin." She nodded, pursing her lips as she tried to blink back tears. Lifting her head, she cocked it to the side a little, and he took the invitation for what it was worth, brushing his lips against hers in a delicate kiss.

"Thank you," she murmured, lowering her head to stare at the table. The coffee maker finished brewing and he poured them both a mug, pressing on into her hands. She sipped at it, groaning in pleasure. "This is delicious."

"Coffee is nothing to trifle with," he said as he sat next to her. She nodded and leaned back against him, trusting him to support her. "What do you want?"  
"To feel," she whispered, setting her now empty mug aside. Her head moved further down his chest so that she could look into his eyes. "I liked sleeping in your arms last night."

"I liked holding you." Bending, he kissed her once more, enjoying the feel of Erin's soft lips. "I could give you one morning of pleasure, if you'd like. I won't even ask you to tell anyone if you don't want to."

Her eyes rapidly filled with tears and he reached up to brush them away. "Would you think of me as easy if I said yes? Would you judge me and brand me a slut?" The raw pain in her voice made him wonder who had called her such vile words in the past, and he slowly shook his head, his arm closing around her waist.

"I would never do that, Erin. Loving should be free and not stigmatized, in my opinion."

"Then yes, I will accept your morning of pleasure." She lifted her face and kissed his cheek before standing and holding out her hand to him. He held on to her tightly as he led her back to his bedroom. "I wish it were dark, though. You're probably more accustomed to someone whose flesh is firm, not marked by stretch marks."

"Hush, you're lovely." He kissed her softly once more, and she nodded, obviously trying to let his words sink in. "Here, let me undress you."

She let her arms fall to her side and he quickly unbuttoned her blouse, slipping it off her shoulders. Spencer couldn't help but stare at her breasts, the soft flesh enclosed in a scrap of pink lace, and he reached out to cup them, running his thumbs over her nipples. Erin let out a quiet groan, squirming against his light touches, and he let go to slip his hands around to her back, unclasping the bra and baring her chest to him.

Erin stepped back slightly, shying away, and he paused to look into her eyes. "I'm nervous, and frightened, Spencer."

"I won't hurt you," he said lowly, holding out his arms. It took a moment, but then she was coming to him, letting him embrace her tightly. As she rubbed her face against his t-shirt, he fumbled for the zipper on her skirt, pulling to down to let the garment join the pile on the floor. From the feel of her panties, he surmised that they were the same color as her bra.

Her legs parted for his hand and he palmed her, feeling how warm and wet she was for him. "I need to feel your skin," she murmured, tugging at his shirt. Spencer released her so that she could pull it over his head, and then she was skimming his lounge pants down his legs. "Do you want a blow job?" she asked, the words sounding dirty and off coming from her lips, as if she was asking because she thought he needed it, not because she wanted to do it.

"No, you don't need to do that to me. I'm not really big on oral sex." She nodded and stood back up, pressing her body against his. He bit back a groan as they fell back onto the bed and he tried to control his baser instincts as he tugged at her panties, wanting to rip them off. "You shave?" he asked as he ran his thumb along her mound, enjoying the way her hips rocked into his hand.

"David liked me to." Erin blushed deeply, looking away from him. "I wanted to please him, since I couldn't please Alan." A deep sigh erupted from her lips and he bundled her up into a tight hug, capturing her lips in a passionate kiss.

"You should please yourself, Erin," he murmured, pressing soft busses along her face before moving down her neck. "Where do you want me to kiss you next?" Her fingers tangled in his hair, tugging him up to the spot behind her ear. Snaking out his tongue, he licked at the shell of her ear before nipping delicately at the lobe.

"Oh, yes, right there," she gasped out, bringing his hands up to her breasts. Taking the hint, he caressed them, using his thumb and forefinger to pinch and tug at the erect nub of her nipple. "Harder, please." He obliged her, putting more force into his pulls. Skimming his lips down the column of her neck, he nipped at her collarbone before continuing on to the swell of her chest.

While he placed a feast of kisses on her breasts, he gently knocked apart her legs, fitting himself between them and entering her gently. Erin's body arched up into him with each thrust, and he had to fight to keep from achieving orgasm before she did. He could tell she was close, though, so he parted her labia, seeking out her clit with his thumb. Gently, he rubbed that pearl of pleasure, sending her over the edge.

The way her muscles tightened around him brought him along with her, and he collapsed on top of her, enjoying how her arms tightened around his waist, holding him close to her as she shuddered and bucked against him. "Coffee spoons," she gasped out, running her fingers through his now sweat-dampened hair.

"I'm sorry?"

"I measure time in coffee spoons, nowadays. It's an easier way to be happy, you see." He nodded and held her close, letting her cry once more. "I am happy for this, I just cry a lot when I get emotional."

"I get the same way, Erin." He rubbed her back and turned them onto their sides, letting her snuggle close to him. "You're still exhausted, aren't you?"  
"Yes."

"Go to sleep, then. We'll shower when you wake up once more." She nodded and pressed her lips to his gently, never releasing him until she had fallen asleep once more. "Sleep well, Erin. I'll be your white knight," he whispered, watching her slumber, a certain peace falling over his soul at the way she curled up against him, her hand splayed out on his chest. Once more, the words Maeve had written him surfaced in his mind, and he murmured, "We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone. We find it with another." Pressing a soft kiss to her forehead, he let his eyes close so that he could listen to her sleep.


End file.
